Guests of the Inner Sanctum

Guest of the Inner Sanctum: Zabeth says, “Get Your Mind Right” for V-Day!

Special thanks, hearts and flowers to Zabeth, your interracial dating coach.

Valentine’s Day Is Upon us! For those of you lucky ladies with plans with a Rainbeau on Monday, I’d like to offer you some helpful tips on how to make your date extra special and leave your beau wanting more! Of course you don’t need a special occasion to apply any of these tips:

Get your mind right.
How you think about yourself will determine how you carry yourself. Are you Michelle Obama or Amber Rose? I’m guessing it’s the former so think: What would Michelle do?

Don’t be taken by surprise.
He should have a plan for the date and should let you know what it is ahead of time. Don’t let him get away with calling 2 hours before to make plans with you- if he can have access to you in a matter of minutes or hours he will come to expect that. Moreover, it’s kind of inconsiderate- as if you have nothing else going on in your life. This can also potentially leave you unprepared- inappropriately dressed or in an unfamiliar area. Spontaneity can be fun in a relationship but not necessarily when you’re just starting out. As an aside, last minute dates in the early stages of dating usually aren’t about spontaneity at all, but that’s another post.

Look the part in your LRD.
Now’s the time to bring out your inner- very classy- hot chick. Regardless of where you’re going for the date, I say always play the feminine card. Cute skirts, dresses, and heels are great for dates. Think in color too. Consider wearing red or maybe even pink. No, I’m not saying this because it’s Valentine’s Day- try to make it a new habit. Trade in your little black dress (LBD) for your little red dress (LRD). Save the LBD for a cocktail party or something. Trust me on this one {Link:}.

Keep it light and breezy.
People always ask how should I act on a date? I say, be yourself. Don’t be fake or something you’re not because you will eventually be found out. But at the same token keep the discussion light and breezy and fun. Don’t talk about heavy subjects like politics or religion; there will be plenty of time for that down the road. Hobbies, books, movies, interests, travel, etc. are always good fodder.

Don’t be afraid to interrupt.
Guys like to talk…a lot. Especially about their careers, their background, their interests, etc. Yes, this is done to impress you but, don’t let him dominate the conversation. Give him a chance to learn something about you too. Some of this talking can also be the result of nervous energy so, you jumping in may relieve some of his nervousness and tension. Don’t be afraid to jump into the conversation but do it in a respectful, lady like way. You don’t always have to wait for an opening in the conversation because it may not come. Say what’s on your mind instead: “You know it’s interesting that you say that…”

Don’t be a lush.
Know your tolerance. Try to keep the drinks to a minimum.

When the check comes…
This can sometimes be hard for women but, don’t even acknowledge it. Don’t reach for your handbag or offer to go half- just continue eating, drinking, smiling, and conversing. Act as if you never saw the waiter/waitress come with it. 9 times out of 10, he’ll want to pay anyway. If he does ask you to split the bill, be gracious but, recognize that it’s GAME OVER.

Keep your eye on the time.
Don’t let the date go on all night. Try to keep track of the time. Ideally, 2 hours for dinner dates and 3 to 4 hours for dinner and a movie dates. You should leave him wanting more not less of you. Besides don’t you have a full life of your own? You’re a busy girl with a busy day ahead of you- you can’t possibly spend 5, 6, 7 hours with him alone.

No thank you notes.
Please do not send a man a thank you note, thank you email, or call him the next day thanking him for taking you out. This isn’t a job interview and you’re not a charity case.

A lot of this stuff comes from trial and error so make the most of your dates and try to learn as much as you can from any unsuccessful meetings you may have. I hope you all have a fabulous Valentine’s Day on Monday!

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