Monday-Punday # 17
SirLoin is pretty sure that it’ll take some folks a bit of cheating to deal with these (answers at the end … but don’t peek … yeah, sure):
As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives!
Each wife had seven maids’
Each maid had seven cats.
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, maids, wives:
How many were going
To St. Ives?
You were awakened at 5 AM, with a frantic call from the Bus Authority, pleading for you to take over one of the city’s routes. When you got there, they gave you a bus and you started on the #7 route. At the first stop, you picked up 5 passengers. At the next stop, you picked up seven more. At the 5th stop, you picked up two, but dropped off 4. At the 9th stop, you picked up almost 18 giggling little girls, but at the 10th stop, nearly all the other passengers got off. Then the bus’ radio came on the air, and the City Bus folks said that they were canceling Route #7 and that you could get off and go home. So, here’s the question: what color were the bus driver’s eyes?
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam! …”
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”
This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says “Hey! We have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replies “Really? You have a drink named Steve?!”
A termite with dentures walks into a bar and says, “Is the bar tender here?”
Around Christmas, last year, when we were experiencing what they called a ‘Winter-Mix,’ a bunch of buddies and their wives were there, along with some single guys. One, in particular, Rudolph “Rudy” Reguspatof, was well known. Despite being a long naturalized U. S. citizen, working for the U. S. Weather Service, was always talking up the supposed superiority of the Red army … the Red navy … the Red government … even the Red vodka was better.
The trouble started when loud-mouth Greg showed up with his sarky wife, Sylvia. He loudly proclaimed that, “it was snowing like a SOB out there.”
Rudy said, “rain!”
Greg, loudly said, “snow!”
Back and forth, with steadily rising volume and intensity, red faces and bulged out eyes: “Rain” – “Snow” – “RAIN” – “SNOW”
Finally, Rudy stomped outside and stayed there for almost 10 minutes. When he came back in, he was soaked to the skin. Demanding two healthy shots of Red vodka, he raised his fist in the air and snarled, “RAIN !!!”
Sylvia, never one to miss an opportunity to have the last snark, said, “Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear.”
OK, youse can peek:
How many were going to St. Ives? One (this one goes back to England of the 1300’s).
Who did they call to drive the bus? So ya know those eye colors belonged to … ya ask a silly question, ya get a silly answer.