Guests of the Inner Sanctum

Question of the Week: “I Told Him I Love Him, Now…Crickets.”

Deborrah Cooper is my ace boon on all things romantic. She’s been doing this love and relationship thing for so long, she answers this stuff in her sleep. Here’s one I think a lot of the BB&W crew can relate to.

Find more of Deborrah’s (aka Ms. Heartbeat) great advice on

— Christelyn


Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I am a Black female and have been going out with a White man who is 13 years my junior for 6 months. He called me every day, was very demonstrative and responsive when I was reserving my feelings because I wasn’t sure about him. Recently I have felt a great fondness of him, bordering on what I would term as love, and two days I told him that I loved him and I haven’t heard from him since? Do you think I should wait it out? Do you think he is a waste of time? I really don’t know what to do.. I am fed up of playing Ms Super Cool just because I am supposed to be mature (I’m 48). We all have feelings and they don’t dilute with age – so I need some advice. Is this about age? Race? Is he not interested in me afer all? Thanks for your perspective.
Wrong to Have Expressed?


Dear Wrong:
Oh, just give him some time. He is probably at least a little bit afraid of what your expectations are now, knowing how most women want to hear (1) I love you too! and (2) let’s move this thing forward and get married or live together! Six months really isn’t that long considering that he has quite a few issues to work though. You didn’t say but perhaps you are his first interracial relationship. Perhaps he hasn’t told you, but maybe he is dealing with flak from his family or friends about his dating partner’s race and/or age. Perhaps he always imagined himself with someone younger that he can have children with, and he’s not sure that he wants to give that dream up yet. Maybe he is weird and doesn’t want to a relationship of any real depth with anyone.

Whatever is ultimately his reason for taking a break, he apparently was not prepared to deal with your revelation.

Oh I almost forgot. Another important issue of concern is that many young men enjoy the hunt and chase, and the kill is anticlimactic. The high drama, romance and hopes that you care are gone, replaced by the realization that to keep things rolling here he’ll now have to do some actual WORK!

Don’t call him, don’t chase him down. Just go on with your life. He will surface sooner or later (I’m thinking sooner), and have an explanation for his confused reaction. Be prepared to scratch your head trying to understand! This particular male behavior is very typical and to us logical and together women, NEVER makes a lick of sense.

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