Question of the Week

Question of the Week: Rainbeau Dating with Kids?

This week’s question struck home with me, because I can soooo relate:

I was wondering if you could do a segment on single parent interracial dating and what you find is the best way to do it? I’m 35 yrs fly with a 5.5 yr old daughter and I would like to have more children. But refuse to do it without the benefit of a quality marriage…fool me once, ya know.

So I was hoping that you could do a piece about women like me (like you….having had came into a relationship with a little one) who need assistance, guidance, and plain old advice on how to date/mate/marry interaccially with a child in tow. I’m so lost! How do the rainbeaus feel about creating families with someone that is ahead of them by a child or two, or three, or four….LOL.

I honestly didn’t take dating interracially seriously until AFTER my daughter was born and I was forced to re-evaluate the qualities I held as value in a man (or lack thereof). It’s hard to explain, but when I looked at her, I just knew I wanted the absolute best for her; and because at the time I didn’t think enough of myself to choose a mate wisely, I just laid out a plan for the kind of husband and father I wanted my child to have.

Everything, I mean, EVERYTHING was set upon those parameters. It made it really easy to weed out losers when you ask yourself, “Would I want this man to be a father figure to my child, or will she run away and catch a bus to Hollywood at 16 just to get away from the cretin I married just so I could say I had somebody?”

David Vang, who was this week’s “Hottie” married a woman twice his age and who had three kids because he loved her. He was 19, she was 39. David pursued her with vigor, because apparently she was initially skeptical about his interest in her. So, between me coming to my relationship and eventual marriage as a package deal, and guys like David, I’d say that there’s a lot of men who LOVE children and welcome “the package.”

However, I have to be honest about the other side of the coin: As a black woman, your stock goes down when you have a child, and you lose points with each additional baby. Call it pride or not wanting to deal with multiple-daddy drama, but a lot of men won’t even entertain the notion of raising another man’s children. That’s why I am convinced some men sabotage women into pregnancy–they know what damage it can do to that woman’s dating life.

So my simple answer to this question is simple: Think of your child’s needs first. If you can’t picture the man you’re dating helping to father your child, it’s best to keep it moving, because I’m tired of seeing 16-year-olds on milk cartons who thought they could make it big in Hollywood.

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