Question of the Week

“Question of the Week: What To Do When Your Profile Picture Doesn’t Match Your Birth Certificate?

This BB&W reader wants the deets age, ageing, and lying about ageing:

I was at a local bar w/my older sister and younger brother here in South Cali. It’s a chill spot with food, dancing, comedy, etc. and for it to be a beach bar, its pretty diverse. Sis and I were standing outside by the fire pit chatting it up, waiting for lil bro to bring us our drinks. Two good looking guys exited the club in our direction to get some air since they’d been partying it up on the dance floor. One’s Nigerian and the other one is Thai. The Nigerian heads to the bar, but makes a bee-line for my sis and I. Strangely, we did kind of a group hug greeting. Thai guy comes up to me and says what about me? I give him a friendly hug, we start chatting, laughing, flirting. An hour later, I’m sooooo excited cause he’s gorgeous, pretty smile, and definitely down w/the swirl…we’re getting ready to exchange numbers, and I make an off-hand comment about him “looking like he’s 12” — he said ugggh everyone says I look young but I’m a grown ass man blah blah blah…I said, “ok, you look 21″…he say’s thanks, cause I am 21. I almost choked on my drink! He saw the look on my face and said, don’t trip, I only date older women blah blah blah. I then informed him that I’m 38…poor guy turned gray…like seriously the color drained from his face. Talk about awkward.

He asked if I’d dated younger guys and I told him I try to stay w/in a 10 year range, but have dated a 27 year old. He starts yelling that he’s 27 and makes the Nigerian agree to the obvious lie, and informed me how good I look for my age. This brings me to the Internet Dating game–I have profiles on a couple of popular sites and always list my real age as well as age range that I’m interested in. Without fail, the majority of non-black men (my preference) in my age range looks like they’re in their 50s or worse. What gives?!?!? This is getting discouraging. I’m generally more attracted to good looking fit guys (read younger šŸ™ ) and don’t want to compromise that. Unfortunately, even the ones interested in spite of my age don’t come up on my radar cause I’m listing my true age.

So, if I’m willing to date a like-minded individual as young within 10 years of my age (younger) and 7 years of my age (older), should I lie about my age initially? I have guys IM me, but had I gone by their initial profile, their max age range is anywhere from 32 to 36 and we’d have never connected…On the flip side, out and about, it’s the super-young guys who approach me like early to mid 20’s. While extremely flattering, I have a 21 year old son (in college on a scholarship) that IS NOT having it! Since black don’t crack and black women generally get better w/age, I’m wondering how your women readers deal w/the way other races age since physical attraction is just as important as mental, emotional connections?

Black women tend to age gracefully so it’s no surprise Thai guy thought you were a lot younger by the looks of you. Why not just enjoy spending time together and cross the bridge once you get there? I guess the issue is easily decided if you know what you want the end-game to be. Are you dating for ring and a marriage, or a drink and some dancing? Your age–38–is right smack in the middle of young-ish and mature-ish, so you can go with the college freshman or the grandpa. Me personally? I wouldn’t list my age if at all possible. Birthday, yes. Birthyear, no. Either way, let us know how it goes.

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