Goddess of the Week

She’s Beautiful. She’s Successful. She’s Childless. She’s Not Crazy. So Why Is Misee Harris Single?

Take one look at Misee Harris, a sweet, soft-spoken southern belle from Tennessee (and a doctor and inventor for lawd’s sakes at only 29) you’d think she has it all.





Good with kids and wants her own family some day.


Sophisticated, So You Can Take Her Home to Mom.


Goal Oriented.



…And Even Loves Sports.



When one looks at the “checklist for marriage acceptability” by the constantly-moving target that many black women aspire to and mostly can never meet, Misee is IT. She limited her dating options and walked willingly into a cage that she locked herself into. But why did she do that? “I never thought that white men were attracted to me,” she confessed. But upon recollection, she remembers a young doctor in medical school who to her was just “a homie,” in retrospect, ” I just never gave it much thought. He was my friend but really acting like a boyfriend should/would. We were together all of the time. I remember him buying me this sweet gift the day after I took my medical entrance exam.”

In other words, non-black men were interested all along, but her radar was only geared toward one type of man to the exclusion of everyone else. “I realized that I had never really given myself a real chance to even be liked by a white man. I was always going to “Black” events and in “Black” sororities I college and of course went to “Black” churches and night clubs.”

Let’s make it be known that she excluded white men not because of a preference, but because she just never thought anyone other than someone black could love her. Wow. I’m just…Wow. The level of brainwashing that goes on in our community should be studied by the CIA. It’s THAT effective.

The problem is, black men on par with Misee in the career and education department are few and far between, and frankly, are living fat on the spoils of the good-and-marriageable black man shortage. Some of the horror stories I’ve heard about how women have to jump through hoops of fire just to be called the girlfriend is just downright exploitive. Black women are putting up with all kinds of horrible mistreatment from so-called, “good black men” who are very well aware  of their highly esteemed status in the community. We all know it, but few want to acknowledge it. “My relationships with black men (not to say that all of them are this way)…. Resulted in a one sided relationship. I was doing everything to keep the relationship alive. Just pure selfishness and no consideration for me. Not mean men, just inconsiderate.”

But this isn’t really about blaming black men who have reached a certain level of success. They are simply doing what any organization with a monopoly does–give horrible service because there’s no competition. Remember ATT and $100 ten-minute long distance calls? Yeah; like that. 

And if someone comes up in here to say Misee should give brothers in jail or the FedEx man a chance like some awful Tyler Perry movie I’m gonna reach through the computer and slap you. (Is it again time to pepper this post with the disclaimer that I don’t mean ALL black men are evil? Just checking in.)

Now at 29, Misee is contemplating something she once thought was unthinkable.  “After looking at a few of my black friends like they were crazy for marrying a white man I then started following their lives on social media and kept up with them on the phone as well. They were happy!!! The for real happy! Going on vacations! Planning pregnancies and home births! And there I was….single… Knowing that I had never even really considered dating a white man. Now I want one! Not because i think they are all perfect, but because I think they deserve just as much attention as I have given to black men in the past.”

In other words, Misee has gotten the memo that a woman of her caliber and substance is worthy to entertain suitors of all races, colors and creeds. Looks like the IBM fat-cats are going to have some competition. And you know what I say? Competition keeps you on your A-game. The time is ending where women like Misee are allowing themselves to wither on the vine. She’s got a copy of Swirling and it’s away we go.

Women like Misee are why I write my fingers to the bone on this blog everyday. I’m so sick of quality, high-value black women limiting themselves out of fear of the unknown, fear of social consequences and fear of…HAPPINESS.

And to anyone else on the fence with whom this piece resonates, pick up the key and let yourself out of the cage. No one put you there but you.

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