What the Cuss?

The “I Only Protect Females In My Family” Lie

Written by Nicole

(Trigger warning: mentions of rape, murder)

In the last few weeks of summer, we have seen an uptick in discussions around “protection” as it pertains to black women. It’s always been a topic that was ripe for debate, but it increased after Megan Thee Stallion was shot in the feet a few weeks back. Some questions posed include:

Who is supposed to protect black women? When are black women entitled to receive protection? Do black women even deserve protection in the first place? Those questions, and more, were pondered in black-centric spaces.


One particular response to who deserves protection was “the women in my family”. Often times it was phrased “the females in my family”, but that’s another story.

Or this:

Or another:

Here is another:

And finally:

Leave it to the internet to show that all too often, even the black women and girls in the family are still left to fend for themselves. In the last week or so, two incidents came across my news feed that caused me to question if even the women and girls in black males’ families meet protection eligibility criteria.

Where are the fathers? Well, let’s talk about two fathers that went viral/made the news this week.

Incident One:

This tragic video shows that even the “females in the family” do not necessarily qualify for protection.

How pathetic, how sniveling, how weak can one be to literally ABANDON your small child to be snapped up by an aggressive dog? Pitbulls are no joke and have mauled whole adults three and four times the size of the little girl in the video. They are a dangerous breed of dog, no matter how many heartwarming YouTube clips get posted to change the narrative. This could have ended in death or disfigurement, and there would be her male parent, ass hoisted in the air, awaiting rescue like the little damsel in distress that he is.

The video itself is telling – the male parent (he’s no father, and definitely not a dad), screams uselessly at his daughter to take her safety into her own hands from atop his safe perch. Don’t cry, he shrieks, on his hands and knees, safe on his roof-car-perch.

His ONE JOB, his ONLY JOB, is to protect his daughter. And he failed, broadcasted for all to see.

Speaking of broadcast, who distributed the video, I wonder? No doubt it was someone who thought this whole scenario was funny. Someone who didn’t think this weak display of failed fatherhood would garner the negative reactions that it did. It was a funny thing that happened, of course. Because literal trauma of black little girls is something to laugh at.

The male who posted this is the one featured in the video. Just FYI.


Here are some comments off the original video on Facebook. Side-splitting. Wow.

Incident Two:

It seems every week there is another news story that breaks that further shows that black girl children are not safe in their own communities.

A 9-year-old girl, Felecia Williams, was raped, strangled, her body stuffed in a suitcase and dumped on the side of the road. The news story is located here. The pedophile rapist murderer was sentenced to death last week. The victim’s father, Jerome, was ever so forgiving, quoted as saying to the male who raped and murdered his daughter that “You my brother. I don’t care what nobody else say. I love you. You made a mistake. I forgive you bro, I ain’t got no ill will toward you.” (Emphasis mine.) A video clip of this exchange is located here.

It amazes me that forgiveness of black male crimes are freely given (from black men and women) but let a black woman blink wrong and she must wear that scarlet letter for the rest of her days.

In no way is rape, murder, and dumping of the victim’s body “a mistake”. Locking your keys in the car is a mistake. Forgetting to pick up eggs at the supermarket is a mistake. Raping and murdering a child, then putting her in a suitcase on the side of the road, is a calculated, premeditated and planned act, not a mistake. And yet, even in death, it seems more compassion is extended to the rapist, via forgiveness, than the victim. The father of a dead girl who was violated and then murdered sees his daughter’s rapist as his brother. Of note, the male parent here was in prison himself. Perhaps the “brotherhood” he shares with the male who raped and murdered his daughter is borne out of being a predator himself. Once again, the girls in the family are unprotected.

Concluding Thoughts

The minute-long clip in Incident One and the news story in Incident Two show that the claim of “only the female members of their families are eligible for protection” isn’t necessarily true. We can “not all” this until the cows come home, but the fact remains, the so-called Good Ones that this does not apply to, are always ever so quiet when it is time to prove and show why they are not the same as these losers. Since black women never get our experiences contextualized, the same broad brush we get painted with is just fine to paint them with too.

To put this in a bigger picture, as a microcosm of the macrocosm, stories like these show that it is no surprise that the out of wedlock birth rates in the black community is nearing (or might be at) 80%. It is no shock that by and large the black community looks the way it does- poverty, dereliction, and violence everywhere. And it’s not solely white supremacy to blame.

Little girls are made to fend for themselves in single digit ages (if they even survive) and are hardened as a coping and defense mechanism in adulthood…only to be lambasted as masculine and mean and ball-busting and mocked for not being as “feminine” as other races of women.

It should not come as a surprise that 40-60% of black girls’ have a traumatic first sexual experience  – the protectors are either absent and wholly useless, present but unconcerned (like the woman who owned the dog), or play the forgiveness card for something unforgiveable.

As a blog that caters to black women expanding their dating and mating options, one might ask why this is even being discussed on this platform. Interracial dating or divestment or whatever the movement du jour is does not negate our femaleness. I, like many others, am a woman before I am black. No matter who you deal with, as a woman, you are more likely to face threats and attacks based on being female rather than being black. Sexism predates racism. We do not navigate the planet in a vacuum. To be aware that even your own family may leave you in the lurch is a bitter pill to swallow, but it is important to bear in mind. Divestment goes beyond who you bed, it includes doing away with anything and anyone who does not serve you. Even your own family.

Disclaimer: This blog was written by me, Nicole, and my ideas are not necessarily reflective of Christelyn Karazin or other writers on this platform.

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