I’ve been a bad, bad girl. See, what had happened was . . . well, before I tell you what had happened, let me try to explain why it had happened.
It happened because I’ve had to put the quest on slo-mo for a while until I can manage my way around some unexpected financial obstacles. Mainly, the one class I relied on to pay my rent was dropped due to low enrollment, and I wasn’t even notified until a few weeks before classes began. So I’ve been scrambling more than usual to make ends meet. Needless to say, dating has been the least of my worries. I’ve been keeping the quest alive, but it’s been rough.
The woman who started Marrymealready.com offered me a free year’s membership but they are new and their membership is still so small that no one has even looked at my profile in weeks. Swirl Matchmaking, started by the successful Meet Up group ONYX in Atlanta, suggested I try a new Meet Up in my area started by one of their former members. I already had my misgivings about singles groups, especially one blatantly named “White Men for Black Women,” however; one of their first mixers was at a posh tapas bar on the waterfront, so I decided I should at least check it out. Perhaps my hopes were too high going in, but the offering of men that attended this event was even worse than the typical fare. Despite the hefty RSVPs only five men showed up while I was there and only one of them was under the age of 50. He was studying on-line to be a fitness trainer which I found interesting considering he was at least 40lbs overweight. Next, a recent divorcé who joked about being a great interracial boyfriend because he helped remove the tracks from his ex-wife’s hair weave. I made polite small talk with overbearing senior with a bad comb-over and later watched him try his luck with someone who I’m pretty sure was a transsexual. (I would be remiss not to mention that the host of the group is a lovely and gracious woman and I wish her all the best, but I won’t be returning.)
After the lively discussion a few weeks ago on BBW about one woman’s experiment with online dating and ethnicity, I tried checking all the ethnicity boxes in my profile with full disclosure about my motives to appear in more searches. The adjustment did boost my connections for a few days, but no more significantly than when I made any other kind of change to my profile. I exchanged some emails with a few rainbeaus for about a week and then, as usual, they all disappeared. For a while, I communicated with a New Yorker who was just a little too rough around the edges. I hung in there when he sent me a picture of the tattoo he wanted that covered one whole arm and half of his chest, but I couldn’t get past his confession that he once dabbled with the idea of getting into the porn industry.
All of this madness brought me to the point where I usually start having the I-am-going-to-be-alone-forever pity party and swear to give up on dating for real this time and I mean it; but. . . I started this blog to safeguard myself against that kind of defeatism and hopefully with your continued support and encouragement, I simply won’t be able to bring myself to admit defeat after eight lousy months. But you know that I’ve been putting myself out there over and over again and getting no results whatsoever so far right? Sooooo, surely you can understand why I weakened when Boy Wonder(my fly-by-night musician crush) called and I went way out of my way to join him for a brief tryst. He sent me a text at 4:00am from upstate New York to ask if I had time to see him between his show in Philadelphia and his flight out of DC the following afternoon. Instead, we decided to meet each other halfway in Delaware so we could spend the entire day together before his show in Philly and head back toward DC together in the morning. In no time I booked a hotel, packed a bag, and was on I-95 by 8:15.
Can you believe after all this plotting and planning we still did not have sex? We came very, very, very close to having sex, but we didn’t seal the deal. He hates the whole idea of wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am sex while he’s on tour (although I don’t know how he reconciles everything else we did with his conscience) and it’s really hard to be upset with him when he thinks he’s trying to be a nice guy. Despite my obvious frustration, it was really great to see him. Being with him feels so easy and familiar, I couldn’t believe a whole year had passed since our last meeting. We laughed and shared stories and slept because he had been driving for hours and because he woke me up at 4 o’clock in the morning. Still, it felt good to share a bed with somebody for a change- until he was gone. Placed at the bottom of the bill, he did not go on stage that night until nearly 2:00am. Completely exhausted, he opted to stay in Philadelphia instead of returning to our hotel after the show. He didn’t find (or make) time to see me again before his flight from DC either and I haven’t heard much from him since. The status of our relationship hasn’t changed and because I continue to indulge him, I can be damned sure it never will. My only excuse is that he occasionally offers exactly the kind of spontaneous adventures that I long for and even when he’s not around I can still feed off the anticipation of our next encounter.
It’s hard to believe my standards can be so high for men I’ve barely know from the internet or Meet Ups and so low for a paramour I’ve been coveting for years. It’s not that I don’t think I deserve any better; it’s that experience has taught me that people don’t always get what they deserve. Since Boy Wonder is not the one for me, can’t I at least find someone who possesses most of his better qualities? Can’t I meet someone equally as cute and funny and sweet and smart and sexy and talented who is altruistic and lives his life with a strong sense of purpose and thinks I’m super-hot?
Is that too much to ask?