Dating & Marrying Ethnic Men

Dear “I’m Here To Find My Black Queen” Black Men

Dear “I’m Here To Find My Black Queen” Black Men,

Hello, how are things? Is the new year off to a good start? I hope so. 🙂

I see that more and more of you gents are taking up space in the cracks and crevices of this site. I confess, I am a bit confused.

It just strikes me a wee bit strange that you would choose to look for love on a website directed at black women who are dating and marrying interracially.

You DO understand most of the women here have no interest in you, right? As for the ones that do date black men, they aren’t looking for a black man specifically and will not be allowing skin color to be the determining factor in who they marry.


But nevermind that. Don’t you agree that it’s odd that you bypassed “black love” websites, and there are MANY, filled with black women who love black men with all their heart and would like very much to date and marry you?


Here you are, gathered and increasingly speaking to us to help you land a black woman. Or asking us to not exercise our dating options and expand that pool to include non-black men.

If this were not audacious enough, you ask us to stop what we’re doing or discussing and listen to you talk at us about your dating problems like it somehow has something to do with women in BW-IRR spaces.

Your ideal black man status and how you just can’t find your black “queen” means WHAT, exactly?

Did you REALLY expect a stampede among women who aren’t looking to date you?

Some of you attempt to hide it, but I can see the disappointment when your humble bragging doesn’t result in coddling and fainting at your feet.


That’s usually when you self-described “good black men” turn nasty, because you never learned how to treat a black woman despite claiming to want one sooooo badly.

But since you continue to haunt this space and I no doubt have your undivided attention, I’m going to share some things that I hope help you.

Or at least point you in the direction of the clues you need to catch:


First of all, no sensible black man looking for a black woman goes looking for said black woman on an INTERRACIAL DATING SITE!

That would be like me going on a site geared at black men who are married to or seeking to date Asian women and crying at them about how I can’t find a good black man.

It’s just not a good look and it’s a waste of my precious time.

I do not begrudge those black men who don’t want to date me because I’m black and they want an Asian woman. Because I too have options. We all do. And a wise person with options has better things to do with their time than to seek out the approval and love of people who aren’t checking for them in the first place.


Secondly, the black women here do not give a crap who black men date.


We simply don’t like it when black men attempt their double standards BS where they go date all the non-black women they want but give stank face to a black woman on the arm of a non-black man. We also do not like it when black men show up and try and tell us who we get to date and love and act like we need to care about their feelings on the matter.

If you date interracially, good for you. If you want to compete with black women because you don’t understand how manhood works, that’s not our problem. We aren’t interested in your catty shade and we weren’t checking for you anyway.

If you don’t date interracially, good for you. The women here do, and if you don’t like it, no one here cares. You, “ideal black men” or not, are perfect strangers. This isn’t your space and this space was not built for you.


And that brings me to my last point:


You may be used to other black women rolling out the red carpet and deferring to you, but this is not one of those spaces.

Therefore your passive aggressive commentary, your blatant gaslighting, and your lazy attempts at courtship AREN’T going to impress anyone here.


We have the option to choose loving men who make it clear that they respect and appreciate us, and we aren’t stupid enough to sidestep those men who do these things while not being black. 


This is what separates us from the wailing “Nothing But A Brother” black women—but then you all knew that already, didn’t you?

There are less black women available, but it’s hardly the emergency that you are increasingly attempting to convince the black women here that it is. Save it: We will not be okey-doked.

The only black women you are losing are the ones that were never checking for you in the first place! And if you had any kind of sense, you’d grabbing hold of the women who want you rather than pestering the women who don’t!

But when one is driven by selfish emotions like one’s own ego and need for validation, there is no room for logic. Which is why NBAB women continue to pester us as well, rather than be thankful for a downturn in competition for you.


In the case of you men crying at us about how unfair it is that more black women aren’t checking solely for you, you aren’t getting any pity from me.  

If you were serious about competing for quality black women, you would do what every worthy male has done since the beginning of time: STEP UP  YOUR GAME.

If you do find a good woman and keep her, it’s because you’re a good man. If you’re not a good man, you’re not going to get a good woman. It’s as simple as that.


We are not “good women” simply because we date or marry interracially. That’s beta male thinking.

A beta looks to other men to tell them what is desirable. If you need white men to appreciate a black woman before you feel the same way, you are a beta and no alpha woman is going to want you. You cannot demand a queen if you are a pauper with a make-shift crown.

So get off this site, go out into the world, and get a life.


You DO NOT own the women here: We are not waiting around for any “ideal black men” or an ideal anything. Reality is the world we we live in, and it’s what you need to deal with.


Life is short and precious for us all. You need to be the best person you can be, and then you will see the rewards for your efforts in all things, including love.

Good luck and godspeed.




– Toni



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