Swirling Singles

Hypocrisy and Double Standards: Why we must ignore the haters

By Niki Chambers

“Do you feel guilty?”

He said it so quietly that I almost missed it.  I was sitting at my aunt’s kitchen table with a couple other family members.  He is my aunt’s nephew from the other side of her family…and no relation of mine. It was a little noisy, so his whispered question practically went unnoticed by the others around us. But I heard it.  And I was furious.  I stared at him incredulously.  “What did you say to me?” I asked loudly, barely containing my contempt. It was instantly silent.  I wanted everyone to hear this.

“Do you feel guilty for being in a relationship with a white guy?” he said a little louder.

There are several things that made the question so shocking and incredibly stupid.  Let’s list them, shall we?
·         It’s 2012, not 1952
·         I’m a grown ass woman and I can date who the hell I want
·         And the real kicker…he said this as he sat across from his two biracial children.
Yep, this fool tried to call me out for dating a white guy when he, a black man, has children with a white woman.  In the past, he has introduced her as “my baby mama” while she stood right next to him and smiled proudly. Classy, real classy.  I said to him that I am in a relationship with someone that loves me, makes me happy and is supportive of me and my boys.  The fact is that I don’t love my boyfriend because he is white.  I love him because he’s pretty freaking awesome.

Interracial relationships are not new to my family.  Many of my uncles and male cousins have dated and married non black women without any scandal and certainly without being questioned about guilt.  Why should it be any different for me?  Now, I’m not saying my family isn’t accepting of my relationship.   If I am happy, they are happy for me.  (Remember, this schmuck isn’t actually related to me)

For a black man to think that I should have some sort of guilt for being with someone I love is just stupid. When black women date interracially, we are accused of everything from hating black men to hating ourselves.  Are we supposed to limit our relationship options while “the brothas” go out and play with every color in the rainbow? What happened to just being happy for someone who is in a positive and healthy relationship? Why is this even still an issue for anyone?

So, to answer his question: Hell no, I do not feel the least bit guilty. But you know what I do feel? Loved, appreciated, respected and honored every day because I have a wonderful man in my life.  (I also felt like punching homie in the face for asking such a dumb question, but I digress.) I can look back at this little incident and laugh at it now.  But it’s got me thinking that it probably wont be the last time something like this happens. Has this happened to you?  What are some of the craziest things that have been said to you?  And how did you respond to it?

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