Swirling Singles

Leona’s Love Quest Part XXII- Learning How to “Get the Guy”


Like most gainfully employed Americans, I am having a hard time finding a way to maintain a desirable work-life balance. After doing my taxes I realized that I somehow managed to survive 2012 making considerably less than my previous salary as an assistant professor, which wasn’t all that much to begin with. The reality check was getting me down until I remembered how totally awesome it was being un/under/self-employed in many other aspects. It was so reassuring that I could go back to freelancing so quickly. Despite all the sacrifices I had to make, now that I’m back to working regular hours in addition to my freelance projects my leisure and personal time has all but vanished. At least I’ve been making some progress in my career goals which is a lot more than I can say about my Love Quest.

Let’s face it, my attempts at online dating have been a giant fail and it became my only resource once I got too busy to try anything else. It is undoubtedly time for a new approach, so I decided to take a closer look at Matthew Hussey. (Seriously, what woman wouldn’t want a closer look at those twinkling blue eyes, that dazzling smile and totally ripped bod? It would be nearly impossible to concentrate on a word he said if it wasn’t for that sexy British accent.) I was sorry to hear Ready for Love was cancelled so quickly. It’s not the kind of programming I normally watch, but I checked out the first few episodes anyway. Hussey could have been the break-out star of the show. His no-nonsense, straightforward approach sort of likened him as the Simon Cowell of the dating coaches only with a lot more charm. I was already becoming hooked on Hussey after he offered two week’s access to part of his comprehensive online training program for $1 just for filling out a questionnaire on his blog about online dating, I was skeptical, but I had to admit that his sales pitch was pretty compelling.

“Hello, I’m Matthew Hussey . . . I’d like to ask you question . . . Do you ever find you never seem to meet any great guys?”

–       Sometimes Matthew, but they have been few and far between.

“Do you always seem to get attention from the guys you don’t want?”

–       Always. I have no trouble getting that kind of attention at all.

 “I’m sure by now you’re sick of hearing the same old clichés:  people telling you to just be yourself, people telling you it will happen for you when the time is right.”

–       Or you’ll meet someone when you stop looking. I really hate that one.

“You’re sick of men never living up to your expectations of them. Or worse, you’ve heard the same excuses so many times that you feel like you don’t even HAVE expectations of them anymore.”

–       Sad but true. That is precisely how I feel right now.

“My guess is that you thought your love life would look differently by this point . . . and the only thing worse than that thought is the idea that one year from now it’ll be the exact same way. Am I right?”

–       OK, now you’re kind of freaking me out. It’s like you’ve been reading my mind!!!

“This video is going to show you the EXACT steps to finding, attracting and keeping the man you want.”

–       You had me at hello. Where do I sign?

Well, I was all ready to sign but given my current financial situation, $69 a month for five more months of training is way out of my budget. If his program could actually improve my love life as quickly as he claims, it would be well worth the money. I’ve easily spent that much or more on all the books, online dating subscriptions, new clothing, etc., but if I’m not more careful with my budget, I might be finding out what it’s like to “get the guy” while homeless. I had to settle for the limited access I had to his program and I downloaded the audiobook version of his Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve. This way I could continue listening to his lovely voice and I would feel less like my life was wasting away during my long commute.

After listening to his book, I can clearly see where I’ve gone wrong in the past. The Get the Guy formula for creating deep and lasting attraction is: Visual Chemistry + Perceived Challenge + Perceived Value + Connection. I consider myself to be a high value woman and I don’t seem to have much problem with creating visual chemistry, but as soon as I feel a connection with a man, I totally drop the ball in presenting him with a perceived challenge. Because I so rarely connect with anyone, I will either become too accommodating or too aggressive by which I inadvertently drive the man away. I’ve also spent far too much time hoping I will meet someone by chance. However, even when I do go out, I am usually seated at table with my Meetup group or bitching with a girlfriend or two at a bar about how hard it is to meet someone special. Instead, I should be focusing more on events and activities that will help me meet more men. On a positive note, Hussey says it’s possible that a simple millimeter shift in my behavior can make all the difference.

Sometimes Hussey’s advice does seem to be a little one-sided at times, but he does seem to be on our side. He makes it perfectly clear that a guy isn’t worthy of your time or affection unless he treats you like a goddess. He also believes you should never, ever settle- especially when you’re feeling defeated, so I decided not to give Big Daddy another chance. I do wish I had handled many of my other past relationships much differently, but the best I can do now is learn from my mistakes and move on.

Are there any other Matthew Hussey fans out there? Have you watched his show or read his book? What did you think?


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