The title is a little sensational, but bear with me. This post is going to be spicy!
The other day, I left a work event very late. When I came home, I couldn’t sleep, so I went on Twitter. I saw a tweet that I was absolutely not ready for. It has become the inspiration for this post. Please see exhibit A:
There are so many layers within the original tweet. (I sent the tweet to a friend, but I cannot share those comments.) I’m not sure what you are thinking, but my thoughts can be encapsulated in the image below:
I Have Questions
How long did you date this guy before you all were getting freaky? Was this just a hookup or was this more serious? Either way, what were you expecting out of this? Why did this association occur in your head? Did you actually still have the sex?
Why did this thought receive permission to exit your skull? Were you so traumatized that you needed to write this up and send it to an anonymous Twitter account? What was the goal in sharing this cautionary tale with others? Did a black man actually pick you after this post? Do you, in fact, know how silly you look? This comment seems like such a weird observation to make. It wasn’t just out of left field – we have officially left the stadium.
What were you expecting here?
I feel this question bears repeating. Not to be too graphic here, but I want to let you in on a secret: genitalia does not vary much within the human species. The only difference is melanin, I.e. skin colour. There may be a slight difference in style and shape, but the fundamentals remain the same. Before you start typing, the Mandingo myth has been debunked.
In addition, genitalia and sexual dimorphism are rather common within mammals. Males tend to be larger, with X and Y chromosomes, and, ahem, penises. Females tend to be smaller, with double X chromosomes, breasts, vaginal canals, and corresponding reproductive anatomy. So if you think that white men’s genitalia looks like that of a dogs, and the only difference between races is slight changes in style and shade, you must think that a black man’s genitalia looks like- (Huh. I just lost my train of thought. I wonder where I was going with that. As an aside, I do acknowledge that I am assuming that a black women wrote this, and I am speaking from a heteronormative perspective here. Anyway, no more science talk… moving on.)
Let’s Talk Race
Comparing a human’s genitalia to an animal is just disrespectful to me. Comparing anything human to an animal is not okay. While animals are to be respected in their own right, our cognitive abilities set us apart. When people start to dehumanize others in the species, it gives way for cruel treatment by others. Given the history of black people being compared to monkeys and other primates, and the actions that resulted from that, we really ought to know better.
Let us put the shoe on the other foot. Say a white man chose to write to anonymous “white frat boy” Twitter account, saying the following: “I went on a date with a black girl and her vajayjay reminded me of something on Planet of the Apes. I’m sorry white girls, I will never stray again. – anon”
You and I both know that Black Twitter would rise up with a vengeance, journeying to the centre of the earth and back to find out who this man is, where he works and give him the dragging of a lifetime, à la Justine Sacco. This lady should have known better than to submit this commentary, and the Twitter account should not have posted it.
Nuh everything good fi eat, good fi talk
(My parents say this Jamaican proverb all the time. I thought it was fitting to add. English Translation: Not everything good to eat is good to talk about, or, some things are better left unsaid.) Even if you think something unpleasant about someone else, it is not cool to publicize it, particularly when that person has not mistreated you in any way. I know that we in the community like to “keep it real,” but you could say the wrong thing to the wrong person, and you could sabotage your financial, social, and relational standing for years to come. Thankfully, she had enough sense to at least remain anonymous… for now, anyway.
This Will Not Get You Picked
Like the reposter stated, Pickmeisha comments like the example above does not earn you any brownie points. How long have black women shouted the praises of black men from the rooftops, only for them to be one of the highest interracial dating groups. The situation gets even more dire at an HBCU (Historically Black College or University), where the ratio between men and women are extremely high, with women greatly outnumbering men. Christelyn has already covered this in a video, so I will not belabour that point. Tearing nonblack men down to make black men look better does not serve you in any way. You are limiting your options to one pool of men, a group with slim pickings, that have a record of choosing women from all backgrounds. It is not an equal playing field, so we have to be strategic. They are not prioritizing you, so why prioritize them?
Just Admit It
I personally believe that the OP (original poster) was looking for attention, and for a way to dissuade other black women from swirling. Christelyn has written about black women who are too suspicious of white men. Many black women tend to have a list miles long for nonblack men, but we have relationship experts and regular people encouraging black women to date felons or bisexual men.
Any excuse to stay with the familiar is enough for some women. I mean, just the other day Nic wrote about a black women on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) who shared that because one white man lied to her, she was sticking with her own race. Is lying wrong? Yes. Should she have left that man? Probably. Is one man’s nonsense, or silly thoughts a reason to write off swirling forever? Absolutely not.
For those who are interested in swirling, we hope to provide you with tips and tools to secure the life you want, from posts and ensuing discussions. For those of you NBABM (Nothing but a Black Man) women, I will end with this: Nothing is wrong with wanting to be with a black man. Just tell the truth and shame the devil.
Note: Twitter screenshots within posts are provided for entertainment value only. This is not a license to harass anyone depicted.
Note Two: I notice that I am getting more inspiration for posts on Twitter, so you may see more similar articles. If you see something on Twitter, and you would like our take, send us a screenshot or tag us in a comment. Our Twitter handle is @BeyondBandW.