Gender Conflict

“I want the black woman the white guy get”

Written by Penelope Farthing

An interesting shirt came across my timeline today, and even though there are only nine words on it, it made quite a powerful (albeit grammatically incorrect) statement.

The shirt, made by a black man who goes by KaSiris, is being promoted as the first item that will be in his clothing line. This is truly a multilayered conversation and I’ll attempt to get it all in.

First, let’s cover the assumptions. Based on his shirt and his comments throughout his Facebook post, the view of the black woman that the white guy gets is one of quality, which the shirt designer refers to as “the educated person, the fit person, and the person that accepts their nature and embraces it”. He then says the black woman that black men get are, to summarize, “Queen Hood Rat Trash”.

Isn’t it amazing that this man, who, based on the dismal grammar on his shirt, and his comportment in the YouTube video, has failed to grasp elementary school concepts like subject and predicate agreement, and yet, feels entitled to the cream of the crop black woman? Wow.

The black women who partnered with white guys, historically and presently, are commonly viewed by the black community as the weird ones, the sellouts, the ones who were overlooked because they were too educated, too dark skinned, or too nappy headed, and routinely got their Black Card revoked from the First National Bank of Wokeness. They are the women who get hit with the “we don’t want y’all anyway, y’all have to swirl because no black man wants you”…and then years later get a DM from a black dude who is sad because you are the one that got away and Brad was thrilled at the chance to snatch you up.

For example, Serena Williams Ohanian was called all manner of names by males of all races, but when she married Alexis, black men were chomping at the bit to cry that she didn’t marry a black man, when she dated a bunch of black guys beforehand who simply didn’t propose.

Now that more black women are hopping the fence, especially everyday regular black women, here comes black men (plural, because I guarantee he’s not the only one who feels this way) proclaiming that he too wants the quality black woman who found love outside her race. It is as Ralph Richards Banks predicted: now that an ever-increasing number of high quality black women are forgoing race loyalty in their mate selection practices, and instead simply choose the best man for the job, black men will be forced to straighten up and fly right or remain unchosen.

Another layer to the conversation is this: Is he the type of guy a quality black woman would even want? Based on his grammar and butter colored teeth,  signs point to no. According to his Facebook profile he is single, and judging by the type of black woman he feels entitled to, and apparently isn’t getting, it may be a him problem. If he wants the black woman who a white guy would go for, is he providing, producing, protecting and problem solving in ways that white men of quality do for their black female partners? This speaks to the community’s subterranean expectations of black women when it comes to romantic partners – she is to expect and accept the barest of minimums, and when she does, even ashy dudes like Mr. Vesuvius here can qualify. That’s why we have conversations like splitting the cost of engagement rings and going to homeless shelters for dates and surgeons marrying retail associates as viable dating and marriage practices.

You know what else this shows? What the white man wants, so too the world shall follow. Since white men want the quality black women (and who can blame him? We’re awesome) now black men are saying “hey wait a minute, I want her too!” This one little t-shirt shows that outsiders are poaching the best and brightest of the group for themselves, further showing the conquered nature of the collective. Worrying about where the quality black women are going for love wouldn’t be a problem if the majority of black men were marriage minded and about something meaningful, especially since black women are least likely to date out in the first place. And yet…here we are.

And finally, before the detractors come in putting words in my mouth, let me be clear. Am I saying that black women should be aspire to be ~chosen~ by a white guy? Not at all. In some ways I agree with Mr. Shirtsman; far too many black women embody the negative stereotypes that make us all look bad. I’m saying that black women should constantly strive to be the best versions of themselves so they can have their pick of quality men of her choosing, if that’s what she wants, to match the quality she possesses herself. There’s a reason people say some black women “look” like they don’t date black guys, if just from a cursory glance.

What are your thoughts on this $25 shirt? Be sure to share what you think in the comments below!

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