Dating & Marrying Ethnic Men

Jodie and Joshua are married!

Written by Penelope Farthing

Christelyn did a video on The Pink Pill YouTube channel, and now it’s my turn!

It looks like the cat is out of the bag! Absolute stunner Jodie Turner-Smith has married Dawson’s Creek alum Joshua Jackson, and if the rumors are to be believed, they are expecting a wee baby too!

 

I am so happy to see this relationship flourish. And being the person I am, of course I have something to say about it. As is the usual when a black woman dares to step out the black love fold, much commentary has been made.  Here are a few themes I have noticed since the happy couple’s announcement.

 

Ragging on their appearance

Rather than congratulate the newlyweds, people are grasping at straws to insult their appearance. Now, those who have eyes can plainly see that Jodie is a stunner, without exception. Don’t at me, take it up with Dr. Seymour at Lens Crafters. Jodie has erroneously been called everything from ugly (ugly where?) to regular (regular how?). I truly wonder what world these people are living in where Jodie is considered just average. Josh ain’t so bad looking himself. The two make a great looking couple. So why then must people say complete lies now that Jodie is married to a white man? What triggers people so much that when they see a black woman, especially one in the public eye, involved with a white man, they resort to lies and fallacies to soothe their troubled feelings?

Counting someone else’s coins

When a black woman marries interracially, the man’s finances are called into question with a higher level of scrutiny than if it was an intraracial pairing. We saw this not too long with Serena and Alexis, when Alexis’ Reddit money and subsequent investments, while potentially less than Serena’s, is still quite significant and does not constitute marrying down.

I saw someone commenting that Josh’s net worth was “only” $8 million. These are people who probably don’t have 8 bills of paper money of any denomination to rub together. Meanwhile, black women are out here debating on the value of a coffee date, and accepting spaghetti served on a Publix weekly ad as a suitable option. How is net worth suddenly so important in this situation, when black women are gladly accepting a 50/50 lifestyle? When we are getting asked what we are bringing to the table, when we are the table that things should be brought to? If more black women paid this much attention to the earning potential of suitors in their own lives, perhaps there would be less chances being given to broke dudes, less struggle babies born out of wedlock, and less building a man when he’s down only to get left down the line.

 

Not to mention, black men with similar earnings to Jodie or Joshua loudly and proudly proclaim their ~preference~ for white and nonblack women, with a dash of insulting black women on the side. I have said it ad nauseam many times that I support interracial dating across the board. However, black women are not insulting black men when leaving the black love fold so the comparison is simply not the same.

 

This concern about net worth is forgone until after the marriage in celebrity black love situations. Examples include Mary J Blige and Wendy Williams and Jennifer Hudson and Kim Coles and Niecy Nash and Sherri Shepherd all the rest of the marriages doomed before the paper anniversary. The community at large want black women to know our place, right where we are as the gatekeeper of the race, the work horse, the fall back, the second, third, or fifteenth choice. The tireless backbone of the community keeping things together, often alone. When one of us dares to expand our mating options, here come the scare tactics to keep you blindly loyal. It’s not just the men, either. When it came to negative commentary, I saw a lot of black women downing Jodie too. It is worth noting that some black women would prefer you to see you struggle, be it in a relationship or anything else.

 

Sliding into the DMs

Jodie posted on Twitter that black men were sliding into her DMs and calling her the crowd-favorite swirly slur, a bedwench.

 

This is especially curious to me because the archetype that Jodie represents, particularly the dark skin and short natural hair, is the one most commonly reviled and rejected in our community. Just like when Alexis married Serena, the same Bitter Bobbies who did, and still do, call Serena a man, black men only seem to realize the absolute quality women that exists when they are on the arms of a nonblack man.

 

After all, there was a shirt that went viral this summer with a yellow-toothed, grammar-deficient black guy proudly declaring he “wants the black women the white guy get [sic]”. Apparently when black women are deemed desirable by white and nonblack men, be it celebrities, pageant winners, or even everyday black women, that’s when some black men realize they don’t corner the market on black women, and lament the one that got away even when they didn’t even have a fraction of a chance. So basically, they don’t want her…while simultaneously not wanting anyone else to have her either.

 

And what exactly is calling a black woman a bedwench meant to do, anyway? Remind her of what she’s “missing out” on? Oh darn, Jodie missed her chance with some crumb bum on Twitter, whatever will she do?

 

The hypocrisy here is astounding. What do you think the odds are of the same energy being directed at the brothas dating out (in numbers far higher than black women, might I add)? Are these same dudes sliding into the DMs of black men who exclusively date out? They certainly have a lot more to choose from, and yet the men seem awfully quiet with their brethren.

Black women certainly lament when black men date out, which is a trend that I really and truly hope is left in 2019. As an aside, to any black women reading this, please for the love of avocado on toast, stop complaining on social media when the latest black athlete or actor hits the red carpet with Xianghua or Rebecca or Mariposa. Your doing so makes us all look bad, and inflates the ego of men who just loooove to see you moaning in their mentions.

 

Struggle is only for the screen, darling

Jolie’s latest project, an unfortunate struggle love movie Queen and Slim, has just recently hit theaters. I haven’t seen it because I don’t support struggle narratives even if I like who is in it. In 2020, I really hope more black women push forward a narrative that doesn’t feature us in the ride or die, slave, or maid role.

Thankfully that struggle life is only fiction in Jodie’s life, and she chose a man of means as the best man for the job. Just like the black men who are blackity black in the streets, and “where dem white women at?” in the sheets, Jodie is playing the same game that black men do, and I am here for it. If the double standards get a pass for them, then it can work on the flip side too. Black men have been talking black and sleeping white for an absolute age, so you can miss me with your nonsense. Today is double standard double talk day, celebrated all through 2020, henceforth decreed by this Queen Jodie herself.

 

“But if she’s so happy, why bring it up?”

 

I saw a few comments on Facebook say that if she was happily married, she wouldn’t resort to bashing black men on her timeline. First of all, do you see bashing? I don’t…Nowhere in the tweet were black men bashed. But it is so uncommon for black women to point out negative behavior coming from black men, that any criticism is viewed as bashing.

 

Surely Jodie, a newlywed, with child, and in the height of the holidays, must have better things to do with her time that talk about idiots in her DMs?

 

People seem to dismiss that black women are human, and even in the height of success, are not exempt from being incensed, bemused, or simply annoyed. So what if she has all those things going for her? She still has the right to bring it up on her timeline (lightheartedly at that!). I hope that she doesn’t give these bums too much more of her attention though, because as it is said, the best revenge is your paper.

 

Future thinking

 

As I’ve just said, I hope that Jodie leaves this topic alone. I’m sure she’ll still get hate, but hopefully Twitter allows filtering of spam messages that blocks out the noise. What I would like to see is Joshua defending his wife, especially if the pregnancy rumors are to be believed. Spurned parties are a spiteful bunch, and may launch new attacks just to be nasty for nastiness sake.

Final thoughts

Overall, I’m happy that Jodie and Joshua have tied the knot, and I wish them many years of happiness. We are about to end 2019 with a whole host of black pageant winners, catapulting our likeness and image to the forefront. So, in 2020, remember, you too, black women, with your dark skin and short hair, are indeed feminine, desirable, beautiful, and capable, and if a relationship is something you desire, the right man for the job may just be in an unexpected package.

 

What are your thoughts on the couple’s nuptials? Let’s hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Disclaimer: This blog was written by me, Penelope, and my ideas are not necessarily reflective of Christelyn Karazin or other writers on this platform.

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