Swirling Singles

Leona’s Love Quest Part XXVI- Bruised but not Broken



Sweet Jesus, the last six weeks of my life have been exasperating! Once I returned from St. Louis I had only 5 days to pack up my belongings and inform everyone I could think of that I was leaving. I moved most of my belongings into portable storage units and I planned to stay with my sister until I could find a new permanent residence. I hadn’t been on the interstate for more than ten minutes Saturday night when I unbelievably got involved in a car accident with a recreational vehicle with an SVU in tow. The entire passenger side of my car was completely wrecked. It was absolutely un-drivable and I had just packed it full of all the things I needed for the next few months. I was supposed to be starting my new job on Monday. It seemed from the moment I accepted this job, I hit one stumbling block after another. Although I had only one month left to my lease in Baltimore and was never late for a payment, I am still obligated for over $800 to buy out of it. The paperwork for my new employment contract was held up for weeks, making it difficult to get a loan or apply for an apartment. To delay the inevitable expensive moving costs, I found a “furnished” apartment on Craigslist. To my surprise, on moving day I discovered that the tenant removed about half of the furniture he had advertised. Now I need to hire movers immediately and pay for storage. To top it all off, my first paycheck was sent to my old address in Baltimore.

I’m guessing because of the stress of the situation, my period was over two weeks late. I was getting a little concerned, but my young beau from this summer was so freaked out about his friends’ previous pregnancy scares, the chances of me being with child were pretty slim. At 43, it was more likely a symptom of being premenopausal. My friend’s response to my situation had me both rolling with laughter and on the verge of tears, “OMG! We’re stuck in some strange twilight zone between Sex and the City and The Golden Girls!” So funny, so sad and so true. My 25th high school reunion is coming up and I think I’m going to skip. I went to my 10th, but I feel like I have nothing to show for the last 15 years of my life but a bigger waistline.

I realize that my grievances are mostly 1st world problems. I’m lucky I wasn’t injured in the accident and that I am now at least fully employed with health benefits. People still stare incredulously at the birthdate on my driver’s license when I am asked for identification and overall my health is remarkably good. My youthful appearance does however seem to put me in a very strange place romantically. All I seem to attract are white males under 30 and black males over 55, neither of which has proven to be a very suitable match for me. My sister acquaints being single after a certain age like being a used book on Amazon. People wonder, “Why didn’t the owner want to keep it? Why is the price so reasonable? How worn is it? Maybe it’s better to buy a new one.” I’ll tell you, being single at this time in my life has really been wearing on my psyche. I am continuing to follow Matthew Hussey on his blog, but I simply cannot motivate myself to put any of his advice into practice.

First, I need to meet more men. Sometimes I’ll see a guy in a coffee shop or on my way to the train that I could approach and I’ll talk myself out of it. I convince myself I look too old or too tired or too fat in the outfit I’m wearing that day. I know it is all nonsense, but lately just getting through the day has been both physically and mentally draining. I was hoping this move back to Philadelphia might re-energize me. I wanted this job, and so far I like the job, I just didn’t realize the relocation would put me thousands of dollars in debt and take all the resolve I had left to focus on my love quest. I’m looking forward to regaining some stability in my life. Since the month of May I’ve spent 3 months living in a dorm, 3 nights in hotel rooms, 4 days visiting friends and 4 weeks sharing my sister’s one bedroom apartment. Indeed, the last six weeks have not been easy. The circumstances of my employment forced me to make a lot of decisions very quickly and in the process I feel like I probably made a lot of costly mistakes. However, I’ve reached the point where I can either wallow in self-pity or count my blessings and be hopeful that more of them will come my way. Once things begin to settle down I’m sure I’ll start feeling like my old self again- maybe even brand new.


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