Anti-Swirling Black Women And You: Why Their Loudness Means Nothing To YOUR Happiness

I was moved to write this post by BBW community member Vivaforever, who expressed her concerns over the ugly hatred that is spread toward black women who date inter-racially by other black women:

The sheer abundance of women like Key-sha is what troubles me. They seem to be growing in number as more BW date and marry IR too, in tandem with the rise in the number of BM speaking out against BW in interracial relationships.
On some BW-centered sites, you’ll have black women commenters trying to tear other BW in IRRs to shreds, including BW Youtube vloggers who have done nothing to them. It’s pathological and scary; the deflection of their internal anger and frustration onto other BW is just what DRB BM have been doing. Instead of introspection and an outward assessment of why their lives are the way they are, they’d prefer to fasten a yoke around other BW’s necks so that we all are similarly burdened, struggling, and defeated. I used to feel for these women, but I realized that I was giving them too little credit when trying to gauge their motives. Just like BM, they have a disturbing agenda as it concerns BW.


Is it true? Are anti-swirling BW really growing in number and force? Should we all feel threatened?


Where Are All These DBR BW Coming From?

There are a few reasons you notice all these hating, sour, DBR black women in pro-BW and pro-BW interracial dating spaces.

That’s where the black men are!

Seriously. How many times have we had black men “stumble” across BBW on the way to a IRR relationship site looking for a non-black woman who stuck around to give us a piece of their mind? Or black men who are so “concerned” about their inability to find their black queen (but who aren’t concerned enough to tell this to strictly pro-black love communities)?


As much as they hate us, they are desperate to control us and influence and so these males stay all up under us.

Even so, they are not getting anywhere with the women in this community,  and it drives them bonkers.

And if you think it drives the BM trolls nuts, just think of how it makes the DBR sista soldiers feel!

They come here and other places DESPERATE to prove to these men that they are “down” for the cause. To get their attention. To prove their loyalty.

ANYTHING so that these men will acknowledge their existence and “come home”.


Yet, nothing works.


Jealousy is an irrational emotion, ladies. Jealousy inspires women to knock down those other women they see as a threat to obtaining men they want rather than examine whether these men they’re after (1) even want them back or (2) are worth the trouble.


They Want What You Have…

I don’t like dragging people’s business into the open. So I’m not going to put Key-sha, the woman sharing around that UGLY meme targeting an interracial family, on blast.

But I’m going to say that given what I gleaned from her situation, and the situation of hateful black women who we often see sneering at us, that it’s a different kind of jealousy than what I expressed earlier.

Black women have been largely abandoned by the black community. I don’t have to tell you this.

However, some of us know what it’s like to be valued, loved, and protected. Perhaps we grew up with it, or we found men who loved us and made us appreciate what it meant to be treasured as women.


I know that these women would have you believe that they were disgusted at the idea this woman and her baby resting in the arms of “the slave master”


However, beneath that hateful meme-sharing is the truth: They are jealous that this woman is being loved and protected in a way that they can only DREAM of. The biggest kick in the gut is that the man who is doing that is supposed to be the enemy.

When a man who’s supposed to hate ALL black women loves a black woman, marries her, and devotes his LIFE to her security and well-being…how does that reflect on the black men she elects to associate with and her own personal judgement?

This woman is now forced to confront everything she knows about her life, why she’s unmarried, why she’s a single mother to multiple kids by multiple men, and every ailment of her life that’s supposed to be the fault of white people…but she knows deep down really isn’t.

Seeing black women married, happy, and loved in interracial relationships and seeing black women unafraid of exploring the greater world to find their own happiness is a nightmare to women who spent their entire lives limiting themselves because of lies they were told.

Even now we deal with black men coming into this space trying that, “White men can’t be trusted”, “nobody wants you”, “you’re nothing but a whore” crap. Abusive, awful men who have no concept of loving, respecting, or protecting women.

But we’re lucky; we know we deserve to be treated better. So these men are laughed down and given the boot.

These poor women accept the same mistreatment as par the course because they don’t know that men are supposed to treat them better, and that blaming the behavior of these damaged males on white racism is one of the biggest cop-outs in modern history.

…But Are Afraid Of Rejection

The Aesop fable about the “Fox and the Grapes” is one of my favorites.

The tale is about a fox who no matter how hard he tries cannot get at grapes that are just out of reach. After giving up, the Fox comforts himself with the idea that the grapes were probably sour anyway.

The moral is that it’s easy to despise what you feel you cannot have.

In a similar way, some black women who anticipate disappointment rather than demand love and respect will often act to try and protect themselves from being hurt.

They will call a man their “hubby” and play house without asking that man to marry her. She will tell herself that it’s safer to do this rather than risk losing him.

These black women will also LOUDLY declare they aren’t attracted to non-black men to preempt being rejected by one.

It’s not about being rejected by black men; however loudly some BM trolls threaten to excommunicate a black woman who dates inter-racially, they stay in these spaces making their thoughts heard.

Also, it’s a known fact that black women do not have to date inter-racially to experience utter rejection from black men.

So this falls under a fear of being rejected by white men.


Often these women are angry at their own circumstances and are also too afraid to even hope for better.

So they respond by attacking happy black women chasing away non-black men who might be interested in them.

If a person “solves” the problem of being rejected before that rejection can happen, there is no chance to be hurt.

The person can say that he/she was left alone because that’s what they wanted and not because they were abandoned.


Their Unhappiness IS No Threat To You!

These women are acting out for one reason or another, but it all ties back to themselves and their issues.

These persons are in actuality quite powerless, or at least they can influence your happiness as much as you ALLOW them to.

If you seek to be validated by people who are unwilling to give it, you’ll never be happy.

On the other hand, if you surround yourself with positive and loving individuals, you’ll never be wanting for love and support.


I said before that I feel sorry for these women because they are in a place emotionally and mentally that must be a living Hell.

“Hurt people hurt people.”

You don’t have to actively engage these DBR black women trolls, but know that they can’t harm you. And then get back to living your own happy life and being thankful for being mentally and emotionally free of the type of garbage they call normal, everyday life.

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